Posted by: Rolf | November 30, 2015

Golf News November

Zach Johnson looking a little “uncomfortable” hanging with the “Duck Dynasty” guys…

Golf Zach Johnson 01

He’s got a look of, “Who are these homeless guys and who let them hold my Claret Jug? They smell like beef and cheese” on his face.

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Some “kid” asked Jordan Spieth “do you believe in God, or do you believe in science?…”

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…without “batting” an eye, but with a “smile” at the surprising “tone” of the question, Jordan answered: “God,” then added, “that sure was an interesting question.”

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See you at the first tee…

Posted by: Rolf | November 25, 2015

Whacker-In-Chief

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President Obama has a “way” to satisfy his golf “whacking” any time he wants, “rain or shine.”

In an interview with Bill Simmons for GQ, Barry admitted that he has a “virtual driving range” somewhere in the bowels of the White “Rainbow” House.

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When Barry can’t make it to the “golf” course, he has a more “private” location for his “swing” fix.

He doesn’t just take “air” swings. He hits “balls.”

“Is it true you have a virtual driving range in the White House?” Simmons asked.

Wacker In Chief 02

“Yeah, I mean, this is not like some super-fancy thing. But I can hit these Wiffle balls,” Obama said.

“So you go down there and hit, like as a stress reliever?” Simmons asked.

“Yeah. Just whack ’em. Whack ’em around a little bit,” Obama replied.

Wacker In Chief 03

Sounds fun. But what about his golf “watching” habits? When asked for his “guiltiest-pleasure TV show,” Obama gave the following response:

“Probably the guiltiest pleasure — and this is kind of lame — is ‘Big Break.’ You know, on the Golf Channel? Which is kind of a silly show. [laughs] But I find it really relaxing.”

“So you watch it on the treadmill or something?”

“Yeah, when I’m working out sometimes late at night. I never see all the episodes, but if they’ve got some chipping contest or something . . . [laughs] It’s pretty lame.”

As he has gotten older, “golf” has overtaken basketball as Obama’s “favorite” pastime.

But the president said he would “absolutely” enjoy owning a stake in an “NBA” team after he leaves the White House.

Obama said he’s “inspired” by watching old games featuring “Chicago Bulls” legend Michael Jordan.

“Jordan had some stinker games in the playoffs. But he would get that out of his mind, and then the next moment comes and he’s right there. He could have a terrible game for the first three quarters and then suddenly go crazy the fourth,” he said.

“Part of what I try to do — not at the level that Jordan did on the basketball court, but part of what you aspire to as president or any of these positions of leadership — is to try to figure out how to be in the moment, make the best decision you can, know that you’re going to get a bunch of them right, but a bunch of times you’re also not going to get it exactly the way you want it.”

“I have fantasized about being able to put together a team and how much fun that would be,” he said. “I think it’d be terrific.”

“Well, I’m best suited for basketball,” he said. “But I cannot believe that the commissioner of football gets paid $44 million a year.”

“Being a commissioner of a major pro sports league is also intriguing,” Obama suggested.

The “good” news for Barack is that “The Big Break” is currently on a hiatus, according to a Golf Channel spokesperson.

The “bad” news? Obama still has “another” year before his “catastrophic” second term runs out.

Time to really start “whacking” that power around,“Whacker-In-Chief.”

See you on the first tee…

Obama Golf Counter
Dear Mr. President: Bill Clinton Can Teach You How to Turn Your Golf Addiction Into a Good Thing

Posted by: Rolf | November 15, 2015

Out of the Rough

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In his autobiography “Out of the Rough” written with Auckland journalist Michael Donaldson, Steve Williams says one thing that really “pissed” him off was how Tiger would “flippantly” toss a club in the general “direction” of the bag, expecting me to “go over and pick it up.”

I felt uneasy about “bending” down to pick up his “discarded” club, “it was like I was his slave.”

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I am not a “fan or admirer” of Tiger Woods, but using a word like “slave” seems over-the-top in just about any “context,” but especially one between a professional “golfer and his caddy.”

This is absolutely a “ridiculous” claim by Steve Williams. What we’ve got here is a golf caddy “complaining” about picking up clubs for his “boss,” one of the main “staples of their job.”

So what if Woods “threw” the club towards the bag? Every “tour player” does it.

Wipe off the “club face, put it back in the bag and be quiet.”

For Williams to “throw” around the word “slave” is such headline “grabbing,” book sale “pimping” nonsense that he should be “ashamed” off.

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Yeah Steve, that caddy job made you “super rich and famous” and gave you a “front row seat” to some of the greatest “moments in sports history” which doesn’t sound like “slavery.”

Bro, you’re “only a caddy” who shouldn’t even be “noticed.” If you do, you’re “doing it wrong.” Pick up the clubs for the guy who “pays” you, tell him which way the “wind” is blowing and keep your “mouth” shut.

That’s it. I don’t recall any of this “bitching and moaning” when Tiger was “dominating” the world and “causing” Williams’ “bank account” to explode.

Talk about “biting the hand that feeds you.”

Williams is absolutely “nothing” without Tiger Woods. That’s why he has to use his “former” boss to sell books.

His Tiger less “life” just isn’t “interesting.” Sorry, but no one “cares” about your “race car” life, Steve.

Out of the Rough 02

Williams “caddied” for Woods for 13 years winning “13 major championships” together and attending each other’s “weddings” before their high profile “split” in 2011.

Shameless “exploitation” on William’s part.

If you’re Adam Scott, for whom Steve Williams now “occasionally” caddies for, aren’t you a little “skeptical” about having Williams “on your bag?”

Where’s the “loyalty?” Where’s the caddy/golfer “confidentiality?”

I realize caddying for Tiger during his “apex,” and the stories that go along with that, is the type of “stuff” that sells books and nobody is “buying” a book about the times “with” Adam Scott.

If I’m Adam I’d be “nervous” that Williams has such “loose lips” and is so willing to “throw” his former “friends” under the bus for a “quick” buck.

See you on the first tee…

Caddy Walks Back Comment That Tiger Woods Treated Him Like a ‘Slave’

Posted by: Rolf | November 8, 2015

Gluttony, Sex and Golf

Gluttony, Sex and Golf 01

It seems that the Chinese Communist Party has outlawed President Obama’s “love for golf” he enjoyed for the last seven years while “putting” up with Republican “opposition” to his dismissal leadership.

China’s Communist Party has “banned” its members from “extravagant eating and drinking”, engaging in “improper sexual relationships with others” and playing “golf,” state media reported.

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The ruling party’s “Political Bureau” adopted new rules on “clean” governance and “discipline” the official Xinhua news agency said, describing the measures as “a moral ethical code that members must abide by”.

Party members were already barred from “keeping paramours and conducting adultery” but the new rule on “sexual activity” was stricter, Xinhua said.

Playing “golf and excessive eating and drinking” were explicitly listed as “violations of discipline” for the first time, it added.

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The “regulations,” which apply to “everyone” in the 88-million-strong Communist Party, also forbid forming “cliques” within the party and “nepotism.”

Since “ascending” to the party leadership in 2012, President Xi Jinping has launched an “austerity” drive and a sweeping “crackdown” on corruption, with thousands of officials “falling from power.”

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But “critics” of the campaign liken it to a political “purge” targeting Xi’s opponents.

Spending on “luxury” goods and dining in “high-end” restaurants has “plummeted” amid the crackdown, with government officials “intimidated” by high-profile corruption “prosecutions.”

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The document did not detail “punishments for violating” the new rules, but the party maintains its own feared “internal disciplinary” system, which operates without “judicial” oversight.

Party “discipline” superseded “criminal” law, Xinhua said.

The Communist Party has long had an “ambivalent” relationship with golf, which is a “lucrative” opportunity for local authorities and a “favored” pastime of some officials, but is also closely associated with “wealth” and Western elites.

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Central authorities ordered a nationwide “moratorium” on new golf courses in 2004, but development “continued” as revenue-minded local officials went their “own” way, even offering “tax breaks” for operators of new courses in places such as Hainan province.

The number of courses in China has “grown” from fewer than 200 at the time of the “ban” to more than 600 this year, according to Xinhua.

 

See you at the first tee…

Chinese Communists Ban Gluttony, Adultery, Moon Cakes, and Golf
China Communist Party’s deadly sins: gluttony, sex and golf

Posted by: Rolf | October 30, 2015

Halloween Golf

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So these “little” guys are what’s “hot” on the Internet right now. Girls are literally “drooling” at the site of cute little “Jordan Spieth” and little “Michael Greller.”

If you’re not “ready” to have kids yet do not “show” those pictures to your “wife or girlfriend” because she will throw you “down” and have her “way with you” until you get her “pregnant.”

I get it. Those kids are “cute.” Everybody can see that. Spieth is the“it” golfer at the moment so kids want to be “like” him and dress “up” for Halloween.

Golf Halloween 01

Congratulation  Jordan. The “trophies” are nice. The millions of “dollars” in the bank are even “nicer” but everybody knows you haven’t “truly” made it until someone dresses up “as you for Halloween.”

Spieth is “now” at that level.

Dressing your kid as “clean cut” Jordan Spieth is all “well and good” and people will love it, but this is how “real” golf fan parents “dress” their kids.

Let’s not forget the “greatest” mini golfer costume of “all” time. The costume that “cannot and will not” be topped ever. That was last “year” and it’s still the “best.”

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Little John Daly.

If you’re gonna “dress” your kid up as a “golfer” make it the most “one-of-a-kind” golfer ever to “grip it and rip it.”

That’s “Halloween” done right.

See you at the first tee…

Posted by: Rolf | October 4, 2015

Diving For Golf Balls

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If you think your job is “hard,” this man dodges alligators for a living.

Glenn Berger’s bizarre but “lucrative” business sees him “dive” down in the water “hazards” off some of Florida’s finest golf courses to find “lost” golf balls.

The 40-year-old “claims” he’s collected 15 million “balls” in a 14 year career to “sell” them for a profit.

Depending on the “type” of ball he could make as “little” as 25 cents or as “much” as $2.

But while Glenn hasn’t disclosed exactly how “wealthy” he is, shipping two million balls a year internationally at those “rates” means he can’t be short of a “bob” or two.

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He said: “It’s a great job. I’ve had a few run-ins with alligators, they’re a hazard in my line of work but it’s all worthwhile.”

“They’ll float over me while I’m on the bottom but sometimes they’re curious – especially the smaller ones, they’ll dive down and bump me on the tank just to see what I am.”

“Scuba diving is a dangerous activity as it is but when you add no visibility, no lifeline and alligators looking for a meal it only gets worse.”

“I just try to not to think about them and focus on picking up golf balls.”

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During the dives 6ft 8ins, 18st Glenn wears a “black and blue” wet suit, weights and an air tank he paints in a “camouflage” pattern to “hide” from any curious gators.

Glenn says that some of his most gut-wrenching “run ins” include an alligator tangled in his “diving” gear, or becoming stuck to “debris” at the bottom of the lakes.

One time he “thought” one of the animals was on his “back,” but when he got out of the water he “realized” it was just his “imagination.”

Diving For Golf Balls 03

Glenn has found all kinds of unusual things under water besides golf balls.

Florida “boasts” more golf courses than any other state in the US, more than 1,250. Glenn, originally from Indiana, has dive “contracts” with about 30 of them.

Glenn said: “South Florida water hazards are like no other in the United States. I’ve seen alligators, venomous cottonmouth snakes, snapping turtles and even crocodiles. It can get tense sometimes.”

In his time he’s found “chairs, tables, umbrellas, bird skulls, dead fish, lawn mowers and golf carts.”

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At his warehouse he “dumps” the day’s harvest into a machine which conveys balls along an “assembly” line where they are bathed with “bleach, water, a DE-greaser and a series of chemicals.”

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After the balls “dry,” he then has to “sort” the balls according to “value” and bags them up in his warehouse to “sell.”

“My personal best is 17,000 balls in a single day,” he said. “It’s a hazard and it’s dangerous sometimes but it’s well worth it.”

Diving For Golf Balls 05

Glenn sells about two million balls a year as part of his unusual business.

Glenn has owned his company, “Bustin Balls,” which sells the “second hand” golf balls for 14 years now and the “quality brands” can fetch up $2 per ball if in “good” condition.

He also claims he “runs” into other dangers while in the lake, finding everything from alligators to abandoned cars.

“The golden rule is to never put your hand inside,” he told Today’s Golfer. “My friend did once and he touched a body.”

 

What a life. Head to the “golf” course, strap on a “scuba” gear, head “butt” an alligator and boom you just “paid” your rent. I guess there are “worse” ways to earn a living.

See you at the first tee…

Posted by: Rolf | September 15, 2015

Golf Road Rage

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Dude takes golf club to his $170,000 Benz after it repeatedly breaks down.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a “common” man on the way back from playing 18 holes, or “freaking” Jack Nicholson, or an “angry” Russian who has had enough with life, the “golf club to the windshield” is one of the more “traditional” ways to deal with “road rage.”

 

I’ve never “done” it because I think “rationally” before I act, but it’s borderline “poetic” taking an iron to something out of “pure” anger.

Getting “cut” off and then arguing “nonsense” with morons on the road is equitable to “hell hath no fury” in any situation.

Anything that happens in a 30 second “blackout” of seeing red can be “defended” in court as temporary “insanity.” So please “excuse” this Russian as he goes “about his business.”

And unless he “solely” plays Par-3’s, that 7-iron is “purely” for smashing windshields. I didn’t see that “club” come out of a “golf” bag. I assume this was “premeditated” road rage.

Timeless.

 

See you on the first tee…

The Classic Road Rage Golf Club To The Window

Posted by: Rolf | August 31, 2015

August Golf News

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Miguel Angel Jimenez can’t stop making “Hole-In-Ones.”

This is his second one in as many weeks, third of the season and 10th all-time on the European Tour which is a new record. I’m convinced he doesn’t hit “hole-in-ones” so he can dance. He does it for the people. He doesn’t care about the rest. He just wants the people to be happy.

What a guy. A natural born showman. The clubhouse has to be electric when he walks in after his round. Buys shots for the whole place, drinks 3 bottles of fine wine to himself while smoking a cigar. He enjoys it all.

Bubba’s first thought when a drone gets brought up? “Let’s see if I can hit one out of the air and drop it.”

Bubba Watson argues with a Rules Official about “ants and burrowing animals”…

See you at the first tee….

Posted by: Rolf | August 30, 2015

Obama Hustled in Golf

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Be careful, Derek Jeter. Who knows what can happen when you “tick off” a president with a year left in office?

The ex-Yankees shortstop took up golf after hanging up his spikes got to spend a round with President Obama in Nevada last November.

We all thought what “happened” on that golf course would “stay” on that golf course, but POTUS is apparently not “pleased” with the outcome.

While at a “fundraiser” held by Las Vegas Sun owner Brian Greenspun, Obama “complained” about Jeter fooling him into “thinking” the ex-shortstop was “terrible” at golf … and it “cost” the president.

Here’s what Obama said via Politico:

“Greenspun and Derek Jeter stole money from me at Shadow Creek. It was clearly a set up, because when we got to the practice range, he was shanking balls everywhere. I said, ‘You play golf Derek?’ And he said, ‘I just started 2 weeks ago.'”

So Obama took “pity” on the former professional athlete and “spotted” him 30 strokes. You can guess what happened next. Jeter “crushed him.”

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“We had to take a picture of me handing Derek Jeter money at the end of the game.”

Then again, maybe it’s not entirely “surprising” Obama came out on the “losing” side of things. He doesn’t “exactly” have the most “impressive” golf swings.

Don’t be “surprised” to hear some weird “clicking” on your phone the next time you make a “call,” Derek.

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Posted by: Rolf | June 28, 2015

Trash Bin Golf

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Somehow this guy gets his “head” stuck in a trash can during a “Charity” Golf Outing. How does that happen?

Golfers do some really “dumb” things when they’re having a bad round. They “cuss,” they “slam and break” clubs, they might “jump” in a water hazard to cool off.

Then there’s what 49-year-old British Dave Sayers did.

Sayers, who was “drunk” at a charity golf tournament, decided he wanted to “throw” away his clubs after a bad round. Instead, Sayers, according to The Telegraph, somehow wound up with his “head” stuck in a trash bin.

“We were coming to the end of the day and I had been losing it a bit with a few bad shots. We’d all had a few beers,” Sayers said. “I said, ‘I’m going to bin these clubs’ but they wouldn’t fit. I decided to go a step further. I went to put my head in the bin, but then I couldn’t get it out.”

The 9-handicap player had his head stuck in the “trash” can for about 10 minutes as his wife, Allison, and two children looked on, “laughing” hysterically along with others.

Trash Can Golf 01‘Laying there while “inhaling” the intoxicating scent of “garbage” fumes, a couple of buddies eventually applied enough “Vaseline” so that Sayers head could “slip” back through the opening.

No word on if the “clubs” were still “thrown” in the trash.

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Notice how you don’t see the guy’s “family” anywhere. No “wife or kids” to be found. Nobody “screaming” to get their Dad’s head “unstuck.”

I guess they know Dad “real” well. They can tell when he’s on the “verge” of getting “stick my head in a trash bin” drunk. Once they saw that “look in his eyes,” they took off.

Nothing “good” can happen once Dad gets to that “level.” So Mom “packed” the kid’s into the minivan and “sped” as fast as she could away from the golf course.

Let his “roaring” buddies handle it this time. There’s only “so many times” a person can apply “Vaseline” to their significant others “neck” before it has to end in “divorce.”

She got outta there to “save” the marriage.

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I never once “thought” about sticking my head into a trash can for “any” reason…unless maybe there was a keg of ice cold beer” in there.

This must be the golfing “god’s” punishing him for wearing those “awful” pants.

See you at the first tee…

Charity golfer gets his head stuck in trash bin after getting drunk

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